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1.
She’s a fine example, generous, ample side to side and end to end. Her lips move, forming shapes in which her thoughts escape my every ability to defend. Familiar on the rare occasion we dared excess libation She rolled her eyes at me as we sampled her fantasies on the innocent couch of a friend. We had an understanding I didn't understand. I had a destination, but it was not my plan. There might have been a what, but there never was a when, ‘cause we had an understanding I just didn’t understand. No call, no text, no email. I feared hospital or jail, but deep down I knew nearer. A frown surprised me in the mirror. Had I been a fool or just a bore? Down on Charlemagne Street, thinking in a dim bar with a sticky floor, drinking and how it skews the field of play and how much less I care, anyway without her to even the score. She had an understanding I didn't understand. I had a destination, but there was no place to land. There might have been a what, but there never was a when, ‘cause we had an understanding I just didn’t understand.
2.
3.
4.
So you’re back with some jack about equality in preservation of the myth of the land of the free. You know it wears me out, this talking to the wall, too deaf and blind to read the word or hear the call. You got Fox News to tell you wrong from right: nice house, nice wife, nice car, nice life. Can’t argue with the willfully ignorant no more. Listen, I gotta go. Where is the door?
5.
Numbing with appliances, substances and fantasy; but like a turtle on his back having a heart attack there ain’t no help for me. Get myself a beer to chase down that whiskey along with these pills up and down these God forsaken hills Trying to take the edge off, nothing seems to do the trick. My head feels like a water balloon, my heart feels like a brick. Got to make some rules and make ‘em stick. I drive like a maniac downtown cruise up and down the street, check out the walk, strut and talk, all to some secret beat. It’s maddening how I can’t drive away from me no matter how fast or far I drive this car, here I will always be. Trying to take the edge off, no distraction is enough. My head is like an eggplant, my heart just can’t. Got to show them both who’s boss. Got to get tough.
6.
Sarah Tonin 03:56
Sarah Tonin I hear you moanin’ Who is that you got upstairs? Is you by yourself or do you have some little elf to help you stroke your shining hair? Tomorrow mornin’ you heed my warnin’ better get your sassafras downtown. Riding up your thigh, Roy, done got so high, guess you need the law laid down. Allie tossed her salad just in time Tess tossed her own but I have mine. Don’t be a dope, ah mean let’s keep it clean. Adrenanananananana Adrenanananananana Adrenananananananaline I ain’t chronic, Esther, gin my tonic Sarah, she don’t have to know Some may call it sick say hyposecretion’s it but den o’ pathos I surely do know Sarah Tonin stop all your groanin’ Don’t you know it’s down to me? Order of occurrence can make all the difference, but this be our end o’ chronology. I want to live, don’t want to die, Allie sis-ter mine. Say it is a lie. Is our prose lackin’, or does it need redactin’? ain’t got no time,

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released May 11, 2019

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Tom Rubenoff - The Rubenoff Project Boston, Massachusetts

This stuff here is my soul scratching messages on the wall of its prison cell.

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